“I’m not entirely unconvinced this apple isn’t turning into hooch……it is all leathery like an old man’s asshole.” -Hubband
Garnett on her way to bed pointing at the kitchen counter “I want my good coat, I want my good coat.” Hubband looking utterly bewhildered “What the hell is a good coat?” Using Mom code I scan the counters and view various items and settle on deciphering “Microphone”.
Hubband puts on his shoes to go run an errand. GG looks up and says, “Daddy go potty.” Hubband “go potty” so often and for so long that’s where she assumes he is always going when he leaves the room.
Hubband and I at burlesque show watching rotating breasts…..I look over and whisper “are those fake……they aren’t……..quite………..moving correctly.” Hubband: spits out diet coke and starts laughing hysterically, “I was just thinking that.”
This morning GG said “ahhh fauck” and Hubband said that was all my fault (we both occasionally screw up and accidentally curse). I was in denial until she and got a towel said “ahh fauck” again and wiped up the water spilt all over the floor. Hubband looked at me with his I-told-you-so-eyes.
Going to toys-r-us and GG picks out a baby. We fill the baby with water and it sort of….spits it up and makes sounds like it is aspirating. GG goes from tucking it in last night and saying, “awww….I love her” to “I no love baby.” and screams and cries when you bring baby anywhere near her.
I remember learning about self-identification in my first Children’s literature course in college. You know, how truly important it is for a child to be able to see themselves in dolls and picture books. Garnett identifies as seen above. I am unsurprised. Also baby is naked because I could not figure out how to fill her and got her clothes soaking wet. Note: apparently there were directions and a funnel.