I strive to have as much acceptance in my life as possible.
I became eleven years sober this last January and some days I am not accepting at all. Some days I’m a bitchy, feet-stomping, claw-mark-leaving, and downright despondent asshat of a human being.
So, every morning I get up and I start my ass over. I have fasting hypoglycemia and reactive hypoglycemia, which essentially means I get sick from everything I eat, but I also get sick from not eating, which makes for an impossible situation. I had half of my pancreas removed in late 2017 at the Mayo Clinic where I have been a patient for five years. It helped a lot and I have hours of the day that I am pretty nearly functional. Unfortunately, I also have hours where I am incredibly physically and emotionally sick because my sugars are inexplicably ridiculous.
The only reason I mention my medical condition is because life for my family often feels uncontrollable, because it actually is out of control at times. We have had to learn to try to be the eye of the hurricane. We get better at it as time passes and we actively work on it as a family and with doctors.
Now, this microcosm that is my chaotic world is now reflective of the world we are currently living in under the Coronavirus pandemic. It is so super duper cool because I get to feel out-of-control at home and out in the world. Awesome.
I know from being sober from alcohol and drugs that I am not alone no matter how alone I feel. I also know for a certainty that I am not unique; I am not special. All these upsetting and scary feelings are reverberating around the world. So most of all, I need to talk about it. I need to sing and dance and vent and scream. I need to find a way to dig some gratitude from my marrow. I need to find a way to have some grace for myself because my house is way more of a mess than normal. I need to find a way to laugh. I need to find a way to exist and be the tranquility in the chaos. Most of all, I need to find a way to teach all of this to my daughter.
Love and Peace to all……
P.S. I would love to hear any other sober stories. This is the collectively the hardest time to stay sober that I have ever lived through .
You are the strongest, most talented, mama I know. I love you.